#69 Recovering A Marriage From Pornography Addiction and Infidelity – James & Teri Craft

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1. James Craft used pornography to cope with his childhood pain.  He and Teri married young and became very visible Christian Pastors.  James’ pornography addiction led him to an affair and Teri to a very difficult decision.  In this episode Teri talks about how her journey with God helped her decide to stay with James and how Pure Desire Ministries helped them to rebuild trust and faith in their marriage.
   1. Teri knows that there were years of sin in their marriage that Teri may have noticed, but shut herself off from.  God wants us to live in truth and honesty, but sometimes we don’t.
   2. The Lord reminded Teri to be pure of heart and all will be recovered and so she went on a journey with the Lord.
   3. It is so important to have a consistent walk with the Lord even in the little things so that you can be ready for when the storms come.
   4. By the time the infidelity was discovered, James and Teri were already miles apart.
   5. Teri still loved her husband, but now she was damaged by him and the question became “Lord how can you make this a safe place?”
   6. Teri doesn’t hear the Lord just for her husband, she hears him for herself.  When they were pastors they felt like they had to be perfect and Teri was afraid to say that things were going wrong.
   7. They are no longer looking for a perfect marriage.  Teri said to James, “I will give you grace if you meet me with truth.”
   8. Pure Desire Ministries counseling was all through Google hang video conferencing.  One thing they learned is that staggered disclosure gives the spouse the emotional make-up of a rape victim.
   9. It is the hardest thing to be publically vulnerable about pornography and infidelity and it is difficult for Teri to watch James stand in front of groups to talk.
   10. Teri seemed to only have hame surrounding their marriage, but the friends who showed Grace inviting the family over for dinner is what propelled them forward.
   11. The Craft family mantra is “When in doubt, give them grace.”
   12. James was afraid to come out with his sin because he saw how people treated sinners.  In Pure Desire Ministries they’ve created a safe space to talk about your sin.
   13. The family can’t stay together if you live in shame, you must instead have relentless communication.  When you feel shame, communicate.
   14. The children still healing and can’t be forced to feel a certain way about God or the betrayal.  Teri is honest with her children and apologizes when she and James are wrong.
   15. Confession before God is crucial to heal as well as walking through a process and surround yourself with the right people.  Not everyone should be part of your journey.  Be consistent and celebrate your victories.

    

    

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